(Photo courtesy of my bigstock.com subscription)
This afternoon I had an epiphany. It came in a flash as I was yelling at my two-year old. Yes, I already feel badly for the yelling, so no need to send me e-mails about it. I guess I should backtrack.
I'm a wife, mom, part-time graduate student, full-time employee outside the home and a budding author. Oh, did I mention I am writing my first novel AND doing pre-promotional activities around said unfinished manuscript? Needless to say, my life is hectic and there aren't enough hours in the day for me to accomplish everything I've envisioned.
Let's flash forward. I had a trying day at work. You know the type ... grueling work hours, incompetent co-workers and demanding supervisors. But it's my job and it's what I get paid to do. So, I must put up with the hours, the co-workers and my supervisors because let's face it without a job, healthcare coverage is a biyatch to pay for out of pocket. Anyhoo, I got home and the husband said, "dinner's handled." Those are music to an author's ears. I did a little shimmy dance because it meant I could sneak in a few hours of writing.
But remember that mom hat I told you about two paragraphs up? Well, I have a sixth grader with mathematical problems that make my head scratch even though I hold two college-level degrees. And let's not even mention my two year old. But I am SuperWomanAllyn, right? So I whip out my laptop, open up a few Gdocs, have my sixth grader read aloud questions she needs help with while my two-year old watches Choo Choo Soul (don't ask) on Youtube via my cell phone. Everything is working. I'm adding words to my document, making virtual connections with bloggers and readers, helping my daughter with hard-to-understand questions, and keeping my two-year old occupied. Everything worked ... right until they didn't. As I type these words at 10:13 PM EST, I still can't tell when the ish hit the fan. But it sure as hell did.
And I felt like a huge failure.
I snapped my laptop closed. My sixth grader looked beyond stressed and my two-year old was screaming her head off. SuperWomanAllyn was about to come unglued but it was when my two-year old reached for me that helped me keep it together
"Mommy," she wailed.
I paused, grabbing my kids and silently asked their forgiveness. Sure, I want to accomplish my personal goals such as complete my Masters in Special Education and see my name on a book. But I am and will always be a mom first. That is the role that matters and supersedes everything else. The other hats I wear will come a distant second to being the best mom to the two children I am fortunate to call mine. I'll squeeze in being an okay wife here because that matters to me as well.
For all my SuperWoman________ (place your name in the blank), relax, breathe and keep your priorities straight. The other goals you have, with a little patience and some time management skill, they can be accomplished. Drop me a line if this touched you or even if it's all hogwash!
allyn.
